Having turned 50 a few years back I find it a little surprising that this birthday has left me introspective mood as compared to the more significant birthday of 50. For a lot of us 50 is a significant milestone as it means you have lived two third of your life and is a good time to take stock of where you are headed and what responsibilities are left to be shouldered. But for me the big five 0 just passed by as a celebration with all the good wishes heaped on me from friends and family acting as a feel-good factor which far outweighed any introspection I should have done.

But this birthday feels different. Maybe it is because of the feeling that the Kids have started collage and are looking to grow wings and fly towards financial independence. Or maybe it is because I can see the finishing line as far as my career is concerned. Or maybe it is because of the impending marriage of my nephew who I had bounced on my knees just yesterday (seemed like yesterday). Or maybe it is the failing health of my parents which is forcing me to confront their as well as my own mortality (each of my annual health checkup brings one more parameter closer to high or low borderline).

I look back on the years gone by and one thing stands out. All the love and affection I have received from my family. I have always been accused of being the favorite of my grandfather, whose blind love would let me get away with murder. But looking back I felt I have been the favorite of my aunts and uncle too. They have let me get away with murder on numerous occasions. I have been allowed to go Scot-free with things none of my brothers or sisters would have. To give credit to my brothers and sisters, instead, of being resented for this I have always gotten lot of love from them. I feel truly blessed by that.

But today as I look back at my career and contemplate the life ahead, I am reminded of Rick Astley. Many of you will remember his hit song from the 80’s “never gonna give you up”. He is famous for two things – that song and for giving up. At 27, Astley quit his lucrative pop career to look after his daughter, exchanging tour buses rides for chasing school buses.

To me It appears to be a masterstroke. I’ve always considered Astley’s walk away from fame and success heroic. It seemed to contrast with many successful people in fields beyond music — business, finance or politics — who chase, more money, another deal, a bigger role. How is it possible to make peace with a smaller life without nurturing resentment or desperation to recapture the early glories of a successful career? Could Astley example teach us something about professional achievement and managing ego?

Every career has a shelf life. You start with ideals and dreams, but reality brings you down to earth. Willingness to work hard and good opportunities help. A lot of course correction happens. I feel I have achieved a lot and relish the feeling of having done things which no one else could have done. Along the way my greatest achievement has been the difference I have made in the life of people I have worked with. I have also reached a point in my career when I feel the sameness of the job. There is a feeling of ‘been there done that’. There are hardly any new challenges thrown my way. In a lot of ways it is comforting, to do the same things again but a certain amount of disengagement also happens.

It’s not just a question of boredom. It’s also a question of pace. The rat race is called like that for a reason: It’s inherently fast-paced, relentless, and stressful. No matter how fast we run, the hamster wheel keeps turning and turning with ever more and more stuff for us to do.

We might (mostly) cope with that kind of pace when we’re younger, relying on fast regeneration when we get tired. We might even get a buzz of exhilaration at the steep learning curve this provides us with. But in our Fifties, we’re less bright-eyed and eager, having experienced a few things in our career. And we’ll definitely notice that we need to pace ourselves, to keep at the top of our game. Even when we’re fit and healthy.

Along the way I recognize the role of luck. It is luck that makes all the difference. Without the luck no one gets anywhere. But you have to be prepared for that luck, you have to work with it. I’m very conscious of that. Appreciating the luck factor helps to curb the potential for rampant egotism. Don’t get a swollen head thinking how amazing you are. If I’d gone through a different door, the outcome might have been very different. Fame and success have also taught me not to take compliments or criticism so seriously. We live in an age where everyone can voice their opinion to the rest of the world, which is kind of an amazing thing, but it teaches me, to take all the plaudits and criticism with a pinch of salt. Experience has given me perspective, which is that fame and success create nonsense in our head that messes with one’s ego and belief system. It helps to have daughters who constantly challenge me and keep me grounded.

Conversation with friends too have changed dramatically. I find myself discussing my health and not the latest Kamasutra. Conversations with friends now rotated around stress reduction, the economy, loss of jobs, and loss of hair. Almost always we get nostalgic about “the good old days” of collage. We tend to forget the frustration and powerlessness to change things or circumstances.

I have also reached the age when retirement looms not in the distant future. Can one retire like Astley and spend time as a father only. Money makes all the difference Of course. How much is enough to retire comfortably? I’ve met many people whose goalposts shift as their lifestyle becomes more expensive. The way I look at wealth is- I’m not the richest guy in the neighborhood but I live in a very nice neighborhood. Money should be about freedom, rather than extravagance. My daughters would recognize this as I have drummed into them “Financial independence is the only Independence”.

Being older and perhaps wiser and having raised my kids through their teenage, has also given a new perspective on my parents. Many of my childhood hurts and disappointments have melted away. Watching them older and more vulnerable makes me see them in a more loving way.

At the same time, I feel a longing to live my life with more meaning– and purposefully. Catch up on the things I always wanted to experience, but never got ’round to. 

In my 20s, I had so many questions and doubts. Would I ever find the right job? Would I meet the one?(I did)Did I even want kids? Would I be able to buy a house? I was so afraid of making the wrong choices.

But all of those big life events eventually happened. I found the right career and I got married. I had two lovely daughters and bought a home. I found success in career and traveled the world and lived in every corner of India.

There is now a sense of urgency because now I have got some life time to look back on. And you realize that the years behind you may be more than the ones I’ve still got ahead of me. I have noticed that my body is starting to give in places, even though I don’t have any health issues. But there is also a realization that more serious health issues can strike me or my friends and family any time.

Being in your 50’s is like the third act of a movie. Maybe it didn’t play out like you thought it would, but you finally have a good sense of the characters and the structure, and you can see where things are going. The thing about getting older is that you’ve overcome enough challenges and fought enough battles to know that during tough times, you’ll weather the storm. I have more than 50 years’ worth of skills to rely on when I’m faced with a problem.

Finally I’m so excited about what’s next, like watching my daughters and niece and nephew come into their own. Spending more time with my wife- we are nearing our 25th anniversary. Looking to dance my way into the future.